Green Livin Red Scare-ing Away High Gas Prices

You can tell that Big Oil and their bestie, Vice President Dick "So?" Cheney, are getting really desperate. After seven long years of disastrous energy and economic policies, the Bush Administration's chickens have really come home to roost.

With Big Oil in everybody's sights, Dirty Dick felt the need to trot out the most dread enemy of all time to try and distract the American people from the real villains. Yes, my friends, the red scare is back.

For years now -- but especially since the failed policies of the Bush administration have caused gas to top $4 a gallon -- conservatives have been peddling the myth that Red China is drilling in Cuban waters mere inches from Key West. And with the Red Menace so close to all those faux Ernest Hemingways, why, we should drill everywhere, posthaste! They've even cooked up maps with menacing looking Chinese flags casting a shadow long enough to blot out the sun on South Beach. Like most myths propagated by the Right Wing (e.g. Ann Coulter is a babe and not, in fact, a face-eating undead zombie waiting to suck out your brains), it seems that there's exactly zero truth to this one. (pdf) But there was so much wheel-spinning going on that the Congressional Research Service even had to do a report to disprove the idea.

After throwing some red meat (literally!) at the base (Cheney was addressing the archconservative U.S. Chamber of Commerce), he then went on to say that all we need is oil -- and more of it. And we need to get it by drilling everywhere -- even environmentally sensitive areas. And for good measure, we ought to throw in some tax cuts for the wealthy while we're at it. And then pass some more really excellent trade deals.

Can we just finally agree once and for all that Dick Cheney and Dr. Evil are, in fact, the same person?